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Many Alternate Doors, No Exits in Sight (MADNES) 18: When Brides go Wild

Updated: Aug 3, 2023


Eh, what's up frog?
The man who taught the Cupcakes how to track in action.

Greetings and felicitations, you lovers of the Adventurers, Cupcake. When last we left off, the Cupcakes were a bit flummoxed. In chasing after a skeletal . . . acquaintance, they'd come across a sandy island in the midst of an underground lake. And in the center of that island the sand had been heated to the point of creating glass.


Which was the part that had them so confused. They'd followed the skeleton's footprints to this phenomena. They were fairly certain he wasn't the suicidal type. But the best they could come up with, when taking into account the glassed surface, the missing skeleton, and the shockwaves cooked into the ground was that something had gotten really hot.


(Note: Not the best knowledge checks were made here.)


Eventually they gave up, heading back the way they'd come. Once in the room of soiled mirrors, Loki gave the journal the skeleton had been writing in a onceover. He quickly realized that the handwriting in said journal was identical to the handwriting in the mayor's office.


So they ran back upstairs to see if there were any more clues as to the identity/purpose of said skeleton. Sadly he never named himself in his journal. His correspondence was all signed 'Your Mayor' (he was clearly really proud of that title). There wasn't even a set of initials on his letter opener.


In a fit of frustration, Loki grabbed the mayor's official stationary and began drafting edicts. With the mayor's own pen. Complete with his seal.


In a short time notices like 'no skeletons allowed within city limits', 'Wanted: Black skeleton, goes by the name of Mayor', and 'All workers required to have hair' were plastered all over the town hall and surrounding areas.


That worked out of his system, it was time to explore again. The next possibility of loot came in the shape of a church.


What? They weren't using it anymore!


Sadly they found no evidence of riches upon entry. No jeweled goblets. No money. No gold savior spiked to a wooden object.


They were just about to leave when they noted an open hole at the top of one wall of the church. While the others tried to figure out how to get up there Loki took the last swig of the Spider Climb Supreme potion they had and walked up the wall. Without bothering to drag a rope along.


What? Remember what Thor did the last time he had people tethered by a rope? No thank you. The fact that it gave him more time to loot was completely besides the point.


Hazel then used her Slippers of Spider Climbing (that really don't help you climb spiders) to walk up the wall with a rope. She beat the Gnome inside by some bit. {Player's Note: Damn the Gnomish slow racial penalty}


Once inside, Hazel found what appeared to be a small honeymoon suite. Which no doubt made services after a wedding something of titillating experience. She searched about, but could find nothing to affix her rope too. There was a bed, a dresser, a chest, a small bathroom, and a pillow to kneel on. And that was it. Nothing was anchored, and nothing was heavy enough to support the weight of one Asgardian Bloodrager


Loki went to examine the pillow, finding it odd that it was set to face a mural in the wall it was tucked up against. While he did that Hazel pulled the bedcovers back, revealing a beautiful woman. A beautiful dead woman.


It was at that point that the Gnome decided to try the pillow out. As he knelt the colors in the mural began to fill themselves in. The dead woman's eyes opened. She turned her head to look at the Gnome, and smiled. Then she began to get out of bed and head towards him.

Hazel tried to warn Loki, but he kept shushing her off. This was important, dammit. It could even lead to loot. The body moved closer. When she insisted he told her he was trying to concentrate. Finally she got him to turn around. When he saw the dead bride half way between the bed and the pillow he dove to the side. She immediately collapsed.


Loki stared at the corpse for a moment before turning an irate eye on Hazel and demanding to know why she didn't warn him. An accusation she replied to in the only way possible: she rolled her eyes.


Loki might have taken offense if his mind hadn't already moved on to more important matters: namely, how to use this to mess with Thor. After a fast second of thinking he called down to Thor that they needed his help. Hazel saw where this was going, and decided to play along. She put the bride to be back in the bed, and covered her up. She then told Thor Loki was right that they needed his help. She coiled the rope around the dresser, and braced it with her body as Thor climbed up.


{Player's Note: That Gnome is a bad influence, that's all I'm saying.}


Once up Thor immediately took over as anchor, allowing the others to pull themselves into the now cramped room. Then, and only then, did he accede to Loki and Hazel's insistence that he kneel on the pillow.


Once again the bride came to some semblance of life. Once again she began to approach. Once again the mural began to form in front of the kneely. Steve quickly called out a warning. But, when Thor turned his head, he found nothing threatening about the young (?) woman. He stayed where he was as she continued to come closer.


Hazel then placed herself next to him, at which point Thor said 'fine but don't marry us'. As those words escaped his lips the bride's flesh rotted away, leaving a mummified corpse in a ragged wedding dress. She shrieked and immediately attacked Thor. The cupcakes spread themselves around her.


Not quite two rounds later the corpse fell to the ground, dead. Well, dead-ish. Such things don't seem that absolute in this place. Hazel picked the body up and put it back into the bed, at which point it reverted to its previous appearance.


By this point Loki had become convinced that there was something on the other side of the wall the mural kept forming on. It didn't take much prodding to convince Thor to smash it down. On the other side they found five male corpses. Her previous husbands, they assumed. Most had nothing with them, but one had an ornate box that was sadly empty.


While Thor and Loki worked through that, Hazel found a diary in the chest, that had belonged to the woman. It detailed her last days, how happy she'd been that her father had been able to find a man that was not a fisherman for her husband. How he'd had quite a dowry. How they'd been so happy there that they hadn't eaten for seven days. As in: they were so happy they starved to death.


At that point Loki made two suggestions. One was to throw the bride into the chamber with the five male corpses. The other was to move the one with the box into her bed. The cupcakes decided on the latter.


The moment the corpses met she wrapped her arms around him and they disappeared. Deciding that this house was now clear they hastened away from it. Once down on the church floor they could see that many hours had passed. It was starting to get dark. The mist was already up to their ankles. (Almost to Loki's knees)


And they were still fairly certain that they did not want to meet the denizens that habituated it. They were even more sure they did not want to stay the night in that creepy ass church. So, they lit out for the largest house they could find, entered, and secured it for the night.



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