top of page
  • Writer's pictureAdmin

The Island of Misfit Monsters (TIMM) 2: A Series of Aggressive Exorcisms

Updated: Aug 3, 2023

Well sir, it was this or trepanning . . .
Proactive exorcism sales skyrocketed after the Cupcakes came to town . . .

Where we left off Prince Adam was having a few problems with his newest skeletal friend. It didn't help when he insisted on introducing the skeleton as Skeletor. It (he?) was quick to point out that its name was Yoric. While the others referred to him as such, Adam insisted on calling him Skeletor. Apparently he'd gotten used to naming his unintelligent undead, and seemed surprised that one would talk back at all.

With the introductions out of the way it was time for the group to continue their aborted foray into the courtyard. As they approached the fountain in the center they became aware that there was something odd about the stone maiden in the center. Closer inspection revealed that she had a very familiar looking jewel implanted in her forehead.

A jewel remarkably similar to one they'd seen worn by a certain lobster. Apparently it was something of a fashion on the island.

Before they could act on that observation a couple of Stone Golems formed out of the base of the 60ft diameter fountain and attacked the group. The first hit the Aasimar, who's wound immediately healed. As it turned out the fountain water was some sort of empowered holy water. That being the water said Aasimar was currently wading around in. Meaning that nobody was actually achieving anything so long as their target stood in said magic water.

After a few rounds of the back and forth the Samurai got annoyed and decided to tend to the statue. By ripping the jewel out of her forehead. To say that it was painful was clearly an understatement, at least, judging from her screams.

However, it worked. The golems sank back into the fountain while the woman turned into yet another Oread. As it turned out, she was Fred's not so lost wife. She immediately followed after him, making use of the other boat, without so much as a thanks to her rescuers.

The group shrugged off this rudeness and continued on. To the right of the main entrance lay a set of stables and a forge. An odd grouping, but hey, low sense motives remember? They explored.

The stables held a sleeping Gargoyle, a rather loudly snoring gargoyle as it turned out. The Skeleton decided to investigate. His stealth roll was . . . less than encouraging. The gargoyle woke up. As it shambled out of one of the horse stalls at the end of the stable Adam had a flash of memory, and greeted it, asking why it wasn't working.

As it came into full view the group noted a ring on its hand, with a very familiar jewel on it. So, instead of attacking, they decided to reason with it.

That approach came to a bit of a snag when they discovered that the gargoyle was convinced that he was a dwarf. Nothing would dissuade him, until the Aasimar asked him what happened with his beard.

The Dwarf/Gargoyle (would that be a Dwargoyle? A Garwarf?) immediately reached up to tug on . . . nothing. After that evidence he was willing to put up with anything on the promise of getting his dwarfly beard back. Even putting up with this group. That's saying something, really.

They went next door to the forge and used the tools they found to pry the ring off of his finger. The Dwarf put up with the procedure quite well, much as a cat resigned to its much loathed monthly trim.

Once free of the ring he turned back into a Dwarf, complete with thick rugged beard. He also told them that he'd been on the island since 'the incident'. His gaze then fell on Adam, standing outside the opened door of the forge. The zombie was currently casting Spark over and over while staring at the dance of electricity in his palm.

The dwarf sighed, calling the zombie 'Jimmy'. The group rushed to correct him, but the dwarf shook his head. He told them that Prince Adam was the boss, the child of the king who'd caused this calamity. Other than that, all he would say was that Jimmy had had it quite rough, and that he wasn't at all surprised at his confused state.

He also admitted to being the one that had been creating the various cursed gems, but said that he'd had no choice. As it turned out, he'd been the first cursed denizen of the island.

The group then headed into the main door of the castle. There they encountered a Bone Reaper Reflection. Fortunately The Zombie Formerly Known As Adam (Jimmy for short) made his knowledge check to warn the group. The Half Ogre kept the apparition half busy while the group wailed on the Statue it was anchored too.

Half way through the fight an Harpy entered from a door on the right and joined the Samurai in attacking the reflection. Well, she tried anyways. Sometimes its the thought that counts. In the end, they dispatched the reflection without her ever landing a blow.

The group noted that the Harpy had yet another Gem implanted in a collar around her neck. However, this one seemed to be cracked. Before they could make any small talk Yoric noted a small figure dart in the doorway. It steeled around the room, hiding from the rest of the group, stopping behind a pillar.

As they spoke with their unexpected helper Yoric stealthily approached what he realized to be a young boy. So, instead of shanking the quivering mass of bravery he simply gripped it by the back of its shirt and lifted it off the ground. The kid screamed in fright (as would we all) as the skeleton marched him to the group.

The other's recognized him as the same kid who'd fetched them to meet his grandpa two days ago. The Harpy, however, recognized him as her son.

(I should note that it was at this point that Clint said 'Somebody shut that damned chicken up!' A joke he is quite proud of. This attitude was not helped as those who got the reference died laughing. Kind of makes you wonder who's the more monstrous, the monstrous characters or the monsters playing them . . .)

Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, mommy Harpy. To say that she was insistent that her son be released was another understatement. Vengefully insistent may be a better description. The moment the boy was released he ran to his mother. The group then took the duo back to the forge so the Dwarf could remove her collar.

Not to be deterred by such inessentials as blood thirsty reflections or Harpy family reunions, the group decided to press on. They reentered the castle and began exploring by entering the room the Harpy had exited.

This turned out to be a bathing room, complete with a few very massive pool like tubs. The biggest of which just happened to come completely equipped with a sleeping Lamia with a cursed bracelet. While the rest of the group wrangled out a plan Jimmy stepped forward and Lightning Bolted the water. Round 1: FIGHT!

In the end the Half Ogre managed to pin the Lamia while the Bugbear cut the bracelet off. She transformed into a human woman. They then quickly reattached the hand in what was becoming old had.

Dazed, she wandered over to the nearest bench and sank down on it, sobbing. Jimmy tried to comfort her, not that he could have said why. It did become apparent that she knew him as well though.

Between sobs she told them how she'd been the governess of the castle, responsible for teaching all of its children. That is until the evil prince turned her into a monster right in front of her children. Children she then ate, because, that's what Lamias do. (Parental Guidance may be advised)

They convinced her to come with them back to the forge where the Dwarf greeted her warmly.

Having been a full long day the group decided to rest . . . after they looted everything in the bathing room (not to be confused with a bathroom) not nailed down, that is. Once that particular essay in juvenile theft was complete the skeleton and zombie volunteered to stand watch. How effective the zombie was at that task was uncertain.

The group each took a horse stall to bed down in. During his self appointed rounds the skeleton came into the stable and snuck saddles onto each of them. In the end this little display of stealth proved more confusing than anything else to the saddlees.

The next day they reentered the castle, this time trying another door they'd found in the bathing room. This led to a kitchen. A quick look by the halfling revealed an Incubis with his back to the door wearing a cursed anklet.

First Yoric told Jimmy 'NO!' as a blanket veto on any action the zombie might consider. Then he borrowed a sap from the bugbear. He told the rest to wait for his signal and slipped back into the room before any of them could ask what that might be.

A moment later they heard the loud thwack of a recently liberated sap against the back of a not so liberated head. The Samurai wasted no time, rushing into the room and smacking the Incubis. Everyone else followed suit.

One quick lambasting later and said demon had been knocked unconscious, falling right into a butter pie he'd been preparing. He never even had a chance to respond.

The group sprang into action like a well oiled machine. In less than two shakes the Demon was laid on the table, his foot cut off, and the anklet slipped off the stump. All that remained was to slap the leg back on and do some minor healing. {If I'd been DM I'd have made the group roll heal checks to make sure the foot was aligned propperly, but hey, I'm a dick.}

For a first, their victim was less than enthused. Apparently his love of butter pie had been enough to negate the curse's effects. That being the same pie they'd had him using as a pillow moments before.

Despite his temper they were able to coerce him into leaving the castle. But first the halfling loaded his half ogre pack mule down with as much from the kitchen as he could manage. Thus began a brazen attempt at psychological warfare. He later revealed his devious plan to loot everything not a load bearing structure from the bottom floor of the castle, thus enraging the owner. The others seemed less than convinced as to the efficacy of this plan, but figured it would at least be amusing.

The next day the group decided to try the left wall of the main hall. The first door led into a barracks. As the group entered they were assailed by Wraiths. While deadly to the living members of the group, their attacks were completely ineffective against the undead.

After a few rounds of having their asses handed to them, those not subsisting on negative energy departed, leaving the rest to figure out what was going on. As it turned out the wraiths were the rather angry spirits of the inhabitants of the room. They beseeched their undead brethren to put their remains to rest.

As the Halfling scooped their remains into a sack borrowed from the Bugbear he noted that the wraiths seemed familiar with Jimmy. Before leaving he asked what they knew of him.

As it turned out it was a tale to match any they'd heard so far. Jimmy had been a peasant boy brought into the castle to be a playmate and servant for Prince Adam. He'd even attended classes with the prince.

As it turned out, he'd had quite the aptitude for the divine training they received. Unfortunately Prince Adam did not share that aptitude. Jealousy at Jimmy's acumen led Adam to mistreat him more and more. Never particularly kind to his servant, Adam now began to go out of his way to torment him. Jimmy refused to take the hint, continuing to best his 'better'. Thus Adam became more and more cruel.

This cycle ended abruptly when Adam pushed Jimmy off of a cliff. Though the palace healers were able mend his body, they could do nothing for the damage done to the boy's brain. Adam got what he'd wanted. Jimmy was next to useless, only capable of carrying out the simplest tasks.

Despite this, Adam continued to torment Jimmy. He would deliberately interrupt Jimmy, or set tasks beyond his capacity for him. And when Jimmy failed he would be beaten.

In the end this behavior was what caused the king to banish Adam. Sadly, Jimmy went with the Prince, because . . . okay I don't have a good reason. One would think the king had caused that boy enough misery. Perhaps he thought having to care for Jimmy would teach Adam about consequences?

After the prince's return, and the subsequent killing/cursing of the castle's inhabitants Jimmy was killed. Adam then zombified him. His intent had been to turn him into a mindless undead, but that wasn't the case. Small facets of the original Jimmy began to emerge. His aptitude for divine spellcasting began to come back.

Strangely, instead of continuing to inhibit Jimmy, Adam encouraged him. Based on what's been said by the denizens the group's come across it doesn't appear that this training was in any way benevolent.

Through this entire explanation Jimmy listened quietly. But, it was as if he were listening to a play, or the story of someone else's life. He showed no emotional reaction, no sign of recognition to any of it.

Gaining a new understanding of Jimmy, Yoric departed. He suddenly felt far less antagonistic towards the zombie. Once outside he told the others the tragic tale. After that all that was left was to get instructions from the dwarf and head off to lay some remains to rest. Others would have to wait a while longer.

6 views0 comments
bottom of page