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CC: Whack-A-Gnome

Pictured: Feorge's day
Animal Abusing Fun For The Whole Family!

And, we're back with another fun filled day. The previous couple had been a harrowing series of assaults that left the group (except the Dwarf perhaps) seriously rethinking their chosen vocation. None would admit it, but I'm fairly certain they had nightmares filled with the gargling sounds those fish people made. So you could understand why they might have felt a little cautious as they spied a circled set of wagons the next day. Unwilling to separate, they all approached the scene. As they got closer they could see that the wagons had been ruined in an attack. But, it was Gred, Hyalnik, and Velora that spotted a couple of bandits lurking within.

The bandits spotted them too, and booked it. Feorge immediately cast enlarge person on Hyalnik, creating a giant dwarf, and the entire cast took off after them, not one stopping to consider that those two might be leading them into an ambush.

Gred (by far the shortest member of the group) quickly outpaced everyone in both speed and reckless abandon, as he charged after his prey. He attempted to flank them but said prey managed to duck into a fortified camp first. Now that would have at least given pause to any sane adventurer.

But, apparently the mixture of Tiefling and Gnomish blood breeds a particularly rampant form of insanity, because Gred didn't even slow down. He charged through the nearest of the two entrances, barely avoiding a spike trap (unnatural luck being another side effect of that unnatural breeding) laid just for one such as he, and began casting his bombs about.

The rest of the group then charged in after him, being more mindful of any other traps yet to have sprung.

I'd like to say the fight was uneventful. That's what I'd like to say. And, for the most part that assessment would be correct. There were more bandits than cupcakes, but the cupcakes had not one, but two healers/ranged DPS to draw on. This would become quite important, as you'll soon see.

The minute Feorge healed an ally (Scorching Ray) he became the target of one ranger's ire. In one round he knocked Gred to 4 hp. Gred then healed himself and Velora (who'd squared off for a mano-e-bato with the other ranged bandit) again. Again, scorching ray FTH.

And the next turn the ranged bandito did it again. Only this time he crit Feorge, nearly killing him in one hit and entangling him . . . somehow. We still haven't figured the mechanics of that out. But anyway, Feorge immediately feigned death, flopping on the ground like a Tepee in a tornado. Well, he had to make it dramatic. The ranger, thinking his work was done, swapped targets.

Feorge crawled into a bush on his turn and disentangled himself. Gred took over healing the group, including his older (ever so slightly) brother. Next turn Feorge popped up and launched a magic missile at the bow wielding bastard that kept harassing him.

Bow wielding bastard took great offense at this and returned the favor; Feorge went down again. Kor'el hurried over to the downed healer and force fed him one of his precious goodberries. And Feorge was up again.

Khadijah, tired of the Weeble routine, charged around and up to the back of breastwork to deal with their primary healer's asssailant. She was joined by virtually the rest of the group and finally Feorge could come out of his bush.

The group quickly looted the bandit hole and made to depart, meeting a host of guards from the nearby town who'd come to deal with the bandits themselves. At first, the Cupcakes were confused with said bandits, but the couple with the caravan quickly worked it out.

The group then proceeded to said nearby town with the caravan. While there, Velora was visited by an emissary of her church, the church of Calistra. As it turned out she was a member of a woman's vengeance group that ran throughout the church. And there just happened to be a member that needed help serving a little comeuppance in the city.

It seemed that the poor waif had been wife to the watch captain of the guard, who'd beaten her and left her naked in the street. You get the idea of the character of the town they were in, that nothing happened to him for such treatment. She wanted to kill him the following night while he was on watch, and she wanted Velora's help. She also suggested that Velora could bring any willing party members for extra 'moral support'. Velora hurried back to the inn they'd bedded down in.


Hyalnik sat it out because he felt this was something the woman folk needed to do for themselves, and quite possibly because it would interfere with his drinking time. Khadijah sat it out on some principle or other. Perhaps she felt the woman must have done something to deserve it or some such. Gred jumped at the chance (Chaotic Neutral is definitely not chaotic nice) and Kor'el joined, as he saw beating a woman 'misusing an animal'.

Feorge was on the fence. He certainly felt that such acts should be punished, but he certainly wasn't about to help off someone on someone else's say so. On top of that, there was the time between then and now; might the man have changed? So he needed more information.

He bowed out of the meeting and went in search of it. He caroused a few taverns, kept his ears open for any gossip, and generally asked mostly innocuous questions. Here's what he learned. The man was a Watch Captain. (Velora had not actually revealed this when he left)

He was now remarried with two kids.

His wife sold fruits in the village market.

So, he went to check on said wife. She even had her two kids with her as she tended her stall. None of them appeared abused, or malnourished in any way. One of them spotted Feorge and guilt tripped him into buying an apple. While conducting the transaction he poked around for more clues. Here's what he learned: She sold fruit to help with the bills. She believed her husband to be a low ranking member of the guard.

He took 'good' care of them.

The man in question's ranking in the guard seemed to be the only bone of contention between the stories he'd heard, so he chose to do a little more research. Here's what he learned.

The Captain was treating his family like mushrooms.

He was using the money from his high status in the town's red light district while leaving them just enough to get by on.

He was corrupt, and took bribes.

Feorge definitely had a knack for police work.

Feorge then returned to the group with a moral conudrum. Yes the guy was clearly a prick, but killing him would leave his family destitute. However, upon voicing this concern, he was assured that the church would provide for them. So, ethical dilemma averted, Feorge chose to join the group. He also learned that, on top of the man's ex, they were also going to be working with an anti-paladin and a bard. The thought left him a little uneasy, but in the end, he accepted it.

The next night the church worked out a distraction while they scaled the walls. The ex started things off by casting Babble on their target. He failed the save. His two cohorts stared transfixed as he babbled incoherently. Meanwhile the group moved up from behind.

The bard then cast Shamefully Overdressed on one of the cohorts, who began with his pants. Then with his underpants. Gred capitalized on this with a frost bomb to the crotch. Thus was a new condition born in pathfinder: Frozen Penis. Personally, I thought it was crossing a line.

Feorge spent his time healing from the back; he'd apparently learned his lesson from Campo Bandito. At one point the Anti-paladin took a hard knock. Feorge was forced to wrestle with his conscience before casting a Flaming Sphere on her. She turned to threaten him for casting a harmful spell on her, but her glare turned into a wicked grin as she felt the flames heal her.

Feorge's unease intensified.

Meanwhile, the Bard cast Unnatural Lust on the guard Captain, who immediately ran to his nearest ally (not frostbite penis) and kissed him. The group quickly hacked him down, which may just have been a mercy at that point. Charlie (the Captain's ex) manacled the guard captain, they killed his last cohort. Then Charlie . . . finished her business. I think you know where she started, so I'll just gloss over that completely.

The Anti-Paladin then picked Feorge up and kissed him before setting him down. Apparently she found healing flames kinky. Feorge's unease intensified again. When the group returned to the church for their reward the Antipaladin's lodgings were provided to Feorge.

Will Feorge give in to his baser desires, risking falling to the dark side? Will Velora ever learn how to use her whip? And will Gred ever admit that his brother is the better looking of the two? Find out next week!

#CC #CaravanOfChaos

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