CC: To Rome
Updated: Sep 12, 2020
So, with the battle with the Misunderstood Mutant Piss-ant Ridiculousness done, the group continued, dragging a somewhat disassembled Khadijah with them. The rest of the trip back to Oenopion went without incident. (As evidenced by the fact that it only took about thirty seconds.)
Once there, Kor'el announced that he was returning to the forests of his home in disgrace. Apparently, killing a party member is a serious no no. Who knew right?
{Player's Note: I think Adam really wanted to play his backup character.}
But that meant that Kor'el's trainee (read: backup character) would no longer be able to participate in the upcoming tournament. Hehad adventuring stuff to do. So, Kor'el agreed to take his place.
So, the tournament team (ie: backup characters plus one quitter) roster:
Jangtaya, the Nagaji Vivisectionist, played by Christian I-Suddenly-Like-Alchemists! Parsons.
The Halfling Webwalker Eegmag Esiwmas, played by Clint Let's-Jump-On-The-Levidrome-Bandwagon Jensen.
Artemews, the Catfolk Divine Marksman, played by Beth I-LIKE-PUNS! Loutzenheiser.
The Crusader Zaiho, a Lawful Good Human played by Alex Let's-See-How-Long-This-One-Lasts Blancarte.
And THE GREAT GLOQUAN (Self stylized of course) a Tiefling Blaster Wizard (with just a dip in Sorcerer for spice) specializing in electrical damage, played by Brandon Electric-Blaster-Makes-No-Sense Thompson.
And you've already met Kor'el, played by Adam But-Did-You-Die Taylor.
{Player's Note: Due to the nature of fights in Pathfinder this coliseum tournament was spread over 3 gaming days}
Day One
The arena itself was of square shape (because that's the shape of our mat) with a massive obelisk in the center that rose up through the protective half dome barrier that covered the field. (Note: that's 'protective' for the crowd; it didn't do shit for us) Four smaller obelisks flanked the four corners of a box ten feet wider than their big brother. Halfway between that pillar/obelisk/scary-thing and the wall, on each diagonal, there was a five foot trap.
The first fight of the day was a simple tank and spank. We slaughtered us some low level aberrations. Kor'el started feeling a bit better about himself. I mean, yes he was a team killing dickwad, but hey, he killed some aberrations didn't he? That's got to count for something.
The Great Gloquan was a bit frustrated. Recognizing these aberrations as mindless, he set about luring them into one of the traps. Each time it was killed before it could get there.
The second fight (for The Cupcakes) turned out to be much the same. The aberrations were a bit tougher, but not to the point of making the fight a challenge in any way. There was the added twist that, sometimes the smaller obelisks would send a five foot beam of varying energy along one cardinal direction. The group quickly adopted sideways angles.
Part way through the fight the crowd started booing. Apparently, stomping your opponent being boring is a multi-universal constant. Each character handled this in their own way.
The Great Gloquan raised his nose skyward and ignored said peasants' opinions. He was here for fame, glory, and the winner's purse, not to amuse low brow sub-Neanderthalic twits. He received a tomato (quite advanced in the ripening process) in the face for his trouble. Glares were returned, only because the barrier would not allow anything else. Damn those one way barriers right?
Jangtaya immediately crit someone, and yelled 'Are you not entertained?' But poison is not exactly a visual aid. The booing continued.
Kor'el showed no sign of having heard it, such was his rapture at finally being able to kill aberrations.
Zaiho and Eegmag looked as if their feelings had been hurt.
Artemews (God I hate that name) turned out to be the problem solver of the group. And she solved that problem in a most catlike manner . . . by shooting an arrow at her allies. That was certain to liven things up. Fortunately she missed. But Karma is patient.
The fight ended very quickly after that.
Day Two
On the second day the arena had changed slightly. The four obelisks were now under the larger one, propping it even higher. The only actual ground to be stepped on existed as a path up to, and as wide as, the fifteen foot obelisk/pillar/scary-thing in the center. There was one path at each cardinal direction. All of the rest of the floor was grating. Suspiciously sinister grating. On alternating turns either the super obelisk would emit a random energy down the width of the paths, or each grate would erupt with a different energy type.
Also, when the crowd got bored they'd do the wave. But not the good wave to cheer people on. This wave summoned a wave of negative energy that hit all contestants.
Our group started on one end while another group of fodder . . . er, I meant aberrations, started on the other. Again this was not a difficult fight, but sometimes one must create their own challenges.
You remember when Artemews attacked her allies in an attempt to liven up the fight? Yeah well, The Great Gloquan just happened to be one of those allies. The fact that she missed him did not seem to matter much. But he was patient. And his patience was rewarded.
At the beginning of that next fight three of the aberrations lined up in a line that included the pesky catfolk, and the wannabe hobbit. The fact that there was an innocent there did not seem to bother The Great Gloquan (he has a bit of an ego) as he strode to a point at the end of that line and cast a lightning bolt. In his defense, it was a lot of damage.
Artemews responded by sticking an arrow into his chest. He then opened a pit under her; sadly she made the reflex. Other members of the group started making 'Can't we all just get along' noises. The crowd thundered their approval.
Eegmag got into it by trying to shank the healer twice, and failing twice. The Great Gloquan, magnanimous as always, let the first slide, but countered the second with a shocking grasp. He missed as well. They both agreed that their flurry of whiffs evened everything out. Else they just didn't want to continue embarrassing themselves.
This hit-the-ally-if-its-convenient tactic carried itself through the rest of the day. There was much rejoicing and bickering.
Day Three
The only fight of the day involved massive fleshwarped aberrations that would probably thank The Cupcakes for killing them if they could. They started in the center of each grate, like bait. The Great Gloquan (he gets upset if I don't add his self stylized title) having figured the incredibly simple pattern behind the eruptions out, alternated five foot steps onto and off of the grate.
What's that? No, of course he didn't tell anyone else. Who would he have been able to scoff at? This was a much tougher fight, almost seeing the end of a couple of members. But they managed to pull it out, emerging shaky, but still eligible for the final match.
Day Four: The Bonus Round!
Seeing as how The Cupcakes had rolled through the last three days' fights (despite their own brand of teamwork) the tournament organizers had done what they do best: organized yet another spectacle. We're not sure why.
Perhaps they were impressed with The Cupcakes' performance. Perhaps they saw the crowd enjoying the trouncings The Cupcakes were handing out like old Halloween candy and thought 'there's gold in them there dim wits'. Most likely they just enjoyed the way The Cupcakes squabbled amongst themselves.
Of course, we can never rule out the idea that the DM simply wanted to eliminate the characters. I can't figure out why . . .
First: the good news. The arena didn't change this time, meaning The Cupcakes knew what to expect. And there were only two enemies, each provided by one of the event organizers.
Now onto the bad news: Those two creatures were massive abominations. And what's worse, the two organizers were apparently betting on which of them would rend more cupcakes.
And they weren't above interfering in the contest to win the fight.
This became apparent almost immediately when The Great Gloquan (emphasis on Great) was suddenly struck with confusion directly after opening a pit under one of said abominations. He spent the remainder of the match alternating between babbling incoherently and punching himself in the face. Kind of looked like an argument he was having with himself was turning into a fist fight . . . with himself. We still aren't sure who won.
Oh yeah, and occasionally he regained his wits long enough to do something useful. Then it was back to his personal troubles.
{Player's Note: This was actually the result of my having to leave for an appointment with the DMV. The DM thought that was funnier than just letting another player play my character.}
But, even without him, the fight didn't take that long. The mindless abominations did seem to take a delight in using the pit that had been added to the field as a collection point for the other characters. They certainly used Awesome Blow to throw their opponents into it often enough. But, in the end, it didn't make much difference; The Cupcakes were victorious once again, much to the chagrin of the owners of the former abominations.
The group then returned to their tavern to gloat about their victory. The Great Gloquan chose to look upon the fact that he'd been rendered confused as a bit of a compliment: obviously he was the most dangerous member of the group. Feorge was quick to stick a nail in that particular bag of hot air by pointing out that, if he were truly great, he'd have fought the compulsion off.
{Player's Note: Yes, I was arguing with myself. No fists were used this time.}
There was also some rolling of the Knucklebone. Gred got himself a get out of death free and decided to stop there. Feorge gained another 100 pts of fire resist (that did not stack with the hundred he hadn't used yet), and began to reek yet again. Oh, and he has to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth for one week. I'm not sure he can make it.
And he also gained one free use of the spell Lightning Bolt (No, I'm not hyperlinking one of the most common spells ever! Look it up!) usable for one day only! He immediately ran upstairs, warned his brother that he could fix it, and lightning bolted said brother. He was then defenstrated by an invisible force under the direct control of the DM. It may have been invisible but I bet it looked a lot like these annoying monstrosities.
Not satisfied with invisible hands using his brother's body to smash windows (which really just increases the damages to the in while lowering the chance that insurance will cover any of it) Gred attempted to bomb his brother. He was picked up and hurled into another window. Sadly the DM didn't roll as well, so he merely bug splatted there. The two were banned from the inn in perpetuity.
Oh, and the main characters took the loot, because screw the guys that did all the work. Must be Democrats . . .
Most of it turned out to be just bumps to stat items. Feorge scored himself an eBay: slightly used Dignity's Barb (-1 on enhancement) in the fourth triumph. Hyalnik (by virtue of Clint having annoyed the DM via comments made and/or character effectiveness) managed to gain a cursed headband. An ability came with it compelling him to randomly attack the nearest valid target for 1D4+1 rounds on a crit. What's worse, should he succeed in killing said (possibly innocent) target, he must then spend a round feasting upon its fresh carcass. Long story short: don't take him hunting.
Of course, the characters didn't know that then.