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The Island of Misfit Monsters (TIMM) 7: The Turban Party

Updated: Aug 3, 2023


What; is there something in my beard?
When you overcompensate for your overcompensation . . .

Yes, you heard me. There was a turban party. It was a party. There were turbans . . . well, sort of.

And no, it's not racist . . . unless the turban wearers were brown. And they weren't. Actually we never asked their race. I mean, we did find out their race, but not their race . . .

You know what; its complicated. Better to start at the beginning.

As I'm sure you'll recall, the group had just finished a spider roast in a major dressing room. The Lizard Aasimar was still incredibly low on Con thanks to the work of the recently cremated spider's venom. But he was still good to go on. Or so he insisted.

In fact he was so good to go he raced to the door on the opposite side of the hall. That being the hall he'd charged maniacally down to attack three spiders mono e mono . . . e mono e mono.

That's where he found a rather hairy Shelob. He immediately lit the webbing in the room on fire (as per instruction 1A section 3 in the handbook on fighting spiders) and charged in. Well, he tried to. By that point Nelzask had caught up. He quickly picked the frustrated lizard up (with one hand), placed him behind himself, and slammed the door to wait for the others.

Meanwhile the giant spider beat a hasty retreat through a double door on the opposite side of the room, and circled around to the hall with the stairs they'd come down.

Most of the group charged (healer in front of course), but Yoric opted for a flanking maneuver through the dressing room. Sadly, he barely made it around to the giant creature's backside when it died. No one was more upset than Rhiltix.

{Player's Note: Would it surprise you to know that Dan (owner and operator of Rhiltix) was actually building a new character while playing?}

That concluded the survey of the first and second floors. The group decided it was a good time to take their remains to the graveyard for burial. The trip was quick, with only a modicum of squabbling. Mostly between Rhiltix and Killgore. This ended in Killgore stopping half way to the graveyard to await the group's return.

The Grave-keeper seemed to take the group's return in stride. He even met them outside. He did not, however, ask them to help. In fact he intimated that they should leave, only coming back to bless the grave in the morning. Strongly intimated.

Fortunately, most of the group could take a hint. They collected their wayward bugbear and headed back to the castle. Yoric insisted they investigate the red door. They grudgingly agreed, only dragging their feet a little bit.

Once Hermin repainted the door Yoric explored through it. The bedroom they found themselves in (quite a tight fit for Nelzask actually) connected to a long hall with two doors to the right and one to the left and further down. The first led only to a kitchen. It's only real bonus was that it had a door leading outside. He used it to scout the outer perimeter.

Outside he found that the building was actually a large two story cottage buried deep within a wood. No doubt it was the same wood they'd trudged through on their initial assault on the castle.

Around the front he encountered a large bay window. Through it he saw a gabble of women (well what would you call it?) with scarves wrapped tightly around their heads chatting with each other. Well, all except one.

Yep, the turban party.

What's that? What race were they? Hold on, I'll get there.

One of them noticed him and he froze like a statue. She glanced at him and pulled the curtains closed. Yoric continued the tour. Once his route was full circle he reentered the kitchen and continued exploring the hallway.

He checked every door (minus the one with the talking turbans) to find bedroom after empty bedroom. He also found an unlikely large amount of scarves in each room. As an experiment he took one and placed it in the next bedroom.

As he opened the depositee's drawer to place the scarf he noted a set of vials that looked very familiar. I know what your thinking, ooh familiar vials. What's next; identical pens? But these still had minute bits of a silvery liquid in them.

Now, I know what you're thinking, ooh silvery liquid, that's more common than soda. But bear with me. That silvery liquid held an unevictable spot in Yoric's brain. He'd watched a small drop of the stuff eat right through his hand, if you will recall. That had been followed with . . . extreme triage performed by a half ogre. To say that he was anxious to avoid such ministrations in the future would be something of an understatement.

I know it would have left a permanent phobia in my mind.

But it started the ol' gears working. These women must be the ones the blood was for, he reasoned. So he headed back to the others. One quick trip back into the castle for a bag full of vials and they were back.

The group decided it would be best to not be in the house when the delivery was made. Ostensibly, there fear revolved around being caught. I personally think they just wanted a good view.

So they trooped out the kitchen door and hid in the treeline. Being members of the Delicious Cupcakes they hid in fine Benny Hill fashion. Rhiltix hid in plain sight, trying to pretend to be a statue. Nelzask hid behind a tree. Only the Bugbear and Minotaur actually hid, though the sound of Yoric banging his head into the tree next to them would probably have given them all away.

Jimmy, in a remarkable display of volition, volunteered to be the one to deliver the basket. Seeing as the women had already seen Yoric, there didn't seem to be a better plan. So the skeleton briefed the zombie on what to do, Kilgore handed him the bag of vials, and Jimmy set off.

When the door opened the rest of the group finally got a good look at one of the 'women' in the hut. But they weren't women. They were Brazen Medusas. The group braced itself for the coming transmutation of their lightning kindler. Any moment now she would unwrap the scarves covering her head. They all tensed, awaiting that moment.

But it never came. He told her he had a delivery for the mistress of the house, just as Yoric had coached him, in a completely calm voice. It was like he wasn't even aware of the danger he was in. Then again, he might not have been.

A moment later the one woman not wearing scarves over her head came to the door. The group quickly identified her as a Succubus. They weren't really sure if that was better or worse than creatures that could turn one to stone, but before they could do anything the newcomer greeted Jimmy warmly by name and invited him inside.

She and the other woman took him to one of the bedrooms for a chat. They asked where he'd been. They explained that they had been the King's harem back in the day. Mona, the Brazen Medusa, had been at the castle on the day of the Prince's return. She'd ended up agreeing to let the prince experiment on her in order to secure continued existence. The result was evident before him. Victoria's story was quite similar. The rest of the Brazen Medusas had come later. The polymorphed women had no idea if their companions had always been that way, or were more victims, but admitted that they got along fine with them.

They also explained his broken past to him, telling him it had been his choice to follow the prince into exile. Of course the entire story still had the quality of a work of fiction, not unlike that timeless classic Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra . . .

In the end it turned out that they, not he, were better at extracting information. They were quick to catch his use of we, asking who was with him. In the end he admitted he was part of a . . . somewhat unusual assemblage of adventurers. The women were quick to head down stairs and invite the rest of the group in. Any friend of Jimmy's and all that . . .

Jimmy followed along, calling out to the group. Of course, the women had already spotted Rhiltix and Nelzask by then. After only a moment's hesitation the remaining three revealed themselves. Jimmy was quick with the introductions.

It wasn't much longer before Mona and Victoria had paired off with Killgore and Nelzask for some . . . exercise. Of course Victoria was forced to use her Profane Gift ability to grant Nelzask the ability to alter his size by one step so she could accommodate his . . . you know, lets just skip that. Fortunately this gift lasted longer than the normal one minute interval. Much longer.

TV-MA Material

The rest of the group divided their time in their own pursuits. Yoric spent the time in jealosy, occasionally yelling 'why a skeleton' at Jimmy. He settled eventually, deciding to wait for 'Duke'. Apparently the brothel was not completely unpatronized. The two women had mentioned in a rather loving voice this person who showed up every night during the initial introductions. It occurred to Yoric that this Duke might just have the answers to some questions.

Jimmy seemed unsure of what was happening. Hermin quafed a potion that was supposed to make it possible for him to join in the festivities. Unfortunately, instead of removing one of its two genders (remember, hermaphrodite) the potion removed both. His whining quickly drowned Yoric's out. Rhiltix . . .

Rhiltix was quietly losing what was left of his sanity.

The lizardfolk went into one of the bedrooms, and emptied the contents of the closet on the floor. He then did his best impersonation of a peeping tom by hiding in the closet. It wasn't long before one of the medusas appeared. She seemed taken quite aback at the current state of robement of her room. She crossed quickly to the closet and opened it.

Rhiltix immediately cast Oracle's Curse on her. She retaliated with her gaze attack, an attack he successfully resisted. There was a brief scuffle before Hermin interrupted. As he consoled the part woman Rhiltix tossed the clothes out the window, and jumped out. There he set the clothes on fire and wandered into the woods.

Yoric quickly took charge by interrupting Nelzask's debauchery to put him on bloodhound duty. He would have followed but Duke chose to show up at that moment. He decided to stay behind to question the man.

Not much was discovered, and Yoric quickly became sick of the repeated innuendos involving acts he was no longer anatomically capable of taking part in. So he jumped out the window, happening to land right next to Nelzask. The two tracked the Lizardfolk to a cliff overlooking the sea they'd sailed over to get to the island. All that was left of him were his clothes and gear. There was much dibbsing to be had.

The two returned to report the loss of their primary healer. Oddly there was little saddness. Nelzask then resumed his previous . . . activities.

Fortunately Duke was a good sport about having his private harem invaded. Yoric managed to con him into a game of Minkai Holdem (Texas Holdem for those born on Earth). He was able to wheedle out that Duke was an Elf Vampire over a thousand years old. He also learned about the powers of the Prince, as Duke occasionally did errands for him. It turned out that the crown the prince had returned with had given him all the powers of a Lich, while also increasing his power level well beyond anyone in the vicinity.

When asked why he hadn't used the last many hundreds of years to increase his power (read: level up) he shrugged, making it clear that he really did not care.

Oh, and Yoric also won one all of the vampire's valuables plus a scarf in the game.



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