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The Island of Misfit Monsters (TIMM) 8: Day of the Tentacle

Updated: Aug 3, 2023


Eventually the slumber party died down. Killgore, Hermin and Nelzask fell asleep. Yoric emptied Duke's pockets while simultaneously learning as much about the island's people and history as possible. Jimmy watched.

The next morning, after breakfast, the entire group met by unspoken consent on the front lawn. Yoric was quick to bring things to order, stating "I'll bet you're wondering why I brought you all here." At that point one of the hostesses of the house ran to get him a soap crate to stand on.

He then laid out their situation as logically as possible. With no healer (the previous one having gone bat crap crazy) he posited that it would be suicide for the group to continue. He then suggested that it would be best to head back to the mainland to the school, to recruit a new sucke-err healer.

The others, of course, disagreed completely. All except Hermin. Apparently horrific death from lack of heals was preferable to owning up to the fact that they'd lost their teacher.

Jimmy voted both ways. Still a little work to go.

The group decided to head back to the stables and ask the dwarf for advice.

His advice in six words: Don't go down into the dungeon.

Yoric renewed his arguments. They were again summarily shot down. He then stated he would not go into the dungeon, a DND equivalent of the filibuster. But if the thought of facing whatever was in the basement without a healer didn't deter them, it was unlikely want of a scout would do the job.

They elected Killgore to check out the downstairs area. Yes, you heard me correctly: Killgore. The smelly, cumbersome, clumsy Bugbear, Killgore. The guy who keeps moss and mold in his hair because (and I quote) "good camouflage." The fact that he was the next stealthiest person in the group would have been announced with a bugle in any sane group.

So the rest of the group trekked on to the secret stair they'd discovered on the first floor, while Yoric repeated banged his head on the nearest hard surface. They got about half way there before he realized that he just couldn't leave them to die. He'd already lost one group; he'd be damned (not too far off really) if he'd lose another one, even one so warped.

He stealthed behind the group, but was unable to get there before Killgore started down the stairs. He was just in time to see the half ogre tying his ever diminishing fishing line around the bugbear. Then he disappeared into the castle.

Yoric shrugged and stealthed past the rest of the group . . . because why not right? He made it to the top of the staircase just in time to see Killgore trip, crashing to the bottom. There was a moment's silence as he rolled eyes he no longer had. Then he followed the bugbear down, though far more acrobatically.

He made it to the bottom of the stair just in time for them to see a massive demon on some sort of patrol. The stairwell opened out into a small square space. To their right and in front were nothing but outer walls. To their left, at the opposite end of the opening was a door. The last side of the square opened into a hall of some sort.

A hall currently filled by a nightmare (see above; well that's the image the DM's description evoked in me . . .). Somehow it missed the bugbear, scent and all, because it turned back down the hallway and disappeared.

Yoric tapped Killgore on the shoulder to get his attention. The tappee screamed and turned, barely catching the skeleton exiting the top of the stair. Because he's not going to stick around while that thing's meal call was announced . . .


The Bugbear considered acting in kind, but as it turned out, the Half Ogre's reflexes were faster. So he found himself being yanked back up the stairs, whipped around the switch back, and yanked the rest of the way up the stairs and out of his entrance door. Needless to say, it was a very mussed Bugbear that exited the castle at about thirty miles an hour.

Then, it was decided that the group should procure a healer before poking nasty things that live in basements with sharp sticks. Yoric maintained an air of smugness.

They trekked back to the open water, expanded the boat, and began to head across the water. About half way there, they encountered a slight diversion as a Giant Octopus decided to have the group to lunch.

It managed to grapple everyone accept the Bugbear on the first round, lifting all but Nelzask's fat ass into the air over the boat. On the next round the group knocked it unconscious.

As the suspended party members again fell victim to gravity, Yoric yelled out to catch the octopus, stating they could sell it ashore. Nelzask reeled the would be diner back onto the boat where a series of blunt force trauma and heal checks were employed to keep it unconscious.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, however upon reaching shore Hermin's body rid itself of the potion that had left it doubly neutered. As often happens with nature there was a good deal of overcompensation for the previous lack.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL HAS BEEN RATED X BY . . . WELL, ME. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Hermin's sexual organs didn't just return, they did so with a vengeance. It's . . . upper organs . . . expanded to the point of turning its armor into a medieval torture device. It's . . . lower organ . . . grew more than three sizes that day. In fact it had reached the point at which it must be carried slung over the shoulder like a rifle.

{Player's Note: I'm not sure why the DM decided to go this route. She certainly thought it was funny.}

These drastic changes required some modification to the minotaur, of course. It was given a -4 Dex penalty (which was a bit lenient in my opinion) for being off balance. It also gained a vulnerability to both slashing and piercing weapons because . . . you know, lets not even think about that. Lastly it was given a primary slam attack. (Yes I know, someone is about to get dick slapped, if only so Hermin can brag that it dick slapped someone)

The group shrugged collectively at this and began heading back to the town this had all started in. They decided it would be best to send Jimmy in, considering that his gentle reposed undeath was least likely to draw attention. They also asked him to try and sell their calamari.

As he glided into town he passed a Wyrmling (custom race RP 19) in full plate. They waved to each other and kept on. Had he been paying closer attention he might just have noted that the Wyrmling was decked out in holy symbols, but that's feeding the cow after slaughter really.

He had no trouble finding the tavern the group had described. He sauntered up to the counter to ask about any healers in town. Oh and hey, want to buy a live octopus?

The bartender got a confused look and said that, while the town was too small to have a standing healer, they had just been visited by one that had headed up the road. At that point even Jimmy was able to put two and two together and get Paladin.

He hurried back to the door, pausing as he remembered the seafood sale he was supposed to make. He quickly backtracked and laid out the size of their catch. The bartender didn't seem impressed.

After a quick talk with the wife (also the cook) they offered the group free board for the night. Even Jimmy could see the fleecing in that "deal" and refused.

He hurried back out of town and retraced his steps. Of course, the paladin had already been informally introduced to the group before he could get there. As he approached, it seemed that she was mediating a fight between Hermin and Yoric.

Eventually they calmed down enough to lay out the situation. We need a healer. You're a healer. Join us. To which she agreed, oddly enough. She also stated that she knew a group of fishermen that would buy their calamari friend down at the warf.

And off they went.


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