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The Architects of Betrayal (TAB) 5: Nananana Nanana . . . Delicious Cupcakes!

Updated: Jul 20, 2023

I'm Sideways Batman!
Somehow they make climbing look so easy . . .

When last we left our caped cutpurse, his assistant the gnome wonder, and friends they were pondering the mechanics of breaking into a fortified town of gnomish magical neophytes. It sounds more difficult than you might imagine. But how to begin?

Well, if you're the Delicious Cupcakes you take it by steps.

Step 1: Pull really hard on the gate.

Step 2: Pound on Gate

Step 3: Have two people pull really hard on said gate

Step 4: Bitch at the DM for making it hard to get into a fortified town of gnomish magical neophytes.

Step 5: Speak the word 'Friend' in every language in hopes they could bore the door open.

Step 6: Pull really hard on gate.

It pretty much went like that for some time. Around Step three or four thousand one of the party remembered the ledge that started over the inn and followed the wall all the way around to above the gate. But how to get to it?

Step 1: Try to jump nearly a hundred feet.

Step 2: Try to climb the unnaturally smooth wall.

Step 3: Bitch at the DM for making it hard to get into a fortified town of gnomish magical neophytes.

etc. etc.

Of course they could have used a ladder (or built a three year old's pyramid ladder) off of one of the balconies that I explicitly stated jutted out from the wall. Eventually it was asked if there were, perchance, a tree up on that ledge. Seeing where they were going I invented one. It was a lovely apple tree. I may or may not have had an apple fall on one of their heads. Of course if that were the case the kobold would most assuredly have scrambled for said Malis Pumila projectile.

So Tanic hooked himself a nice big apple tree with his nice big grappling hook. There's probably a picture of him standing next to it with a tape measure somewhere. . . Then he and Quagrim began the climb up the side of the cliff, 1960's sitcom style. There was of course some complaint that I wouldn't turn the cliff on its side for them. They got over it.

Once up top they could see that just past the curve ahead there was a postern door. And further down at the end of the ledge what could presumably be called a gate house. But of course the Postern was closer. And metal. And magicked. And barred. So how to get it open? Step 1: Attempt to pick a nonexistent lock.

Step 2: Bitch at the DM for making it hard to get into a fortified town of gnomish magical neophytes.

Ad Nauseum.

After much prodding the dynamic duo moved on to the gate house. And there, wouldn't you know it, was a locked door that the rogue could have picked. Which explains why he chose to squeeze through the window . . .

Whatever, right? He got in, that's the important thing. Got to keep telling myself that. Once inside he discovered that it was indeed a gatehouse with two levers. The first, after momentary experimentation, turned out to open the main gate. The second was held in place by a magic lock. There was much bickering to be had.

Personally I think they just didn't want to have to climb back down the ledge, but eventually they resigned themselves to it. Once down the group passed through the gate into a 20 ft tunnel. At the end . . . another closed gate. On the left, directly between the two, a door.

This one the rogue did decide to pick. It led into a long room with a stairwell at the end on the right and a locked door to the left. Picking that door unveiled the armory. Unfortunately for the group all the weapons were a tad on the small side for all but two. Fortunately for the group one of the randomly rolled weapons they found was a +1 mace of disruption. At the beginning of an area filled with undead. Just goes to show: The dice giveth to my players and taketh away from my npcs.

This handled, the group decided to head back to the inn for the night . . . to gloat presumably.

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